Facing My Own Inadequacy

unnamed-1Inadequate.

That’s how many of the people God used in great ways by God felt in the Bible. There are always those who know more or are more gifted. It’s hard not to look at those who are successful and compare yourself to them.

It’s interesting trying to follow God to where you feel he is leading. In one sense, I feel confident in my gifts and the ways in which they can be used in planting a church. But there is the other sense of who am I? Why would God use me? I’m a sinner, I’m too young, there are so many things that I’m not gifted at.

But that seems to be the point. All throughout the Bible we see God put people in positions to do things that seemed impossible; until God intervened.

It’s fun and encouraging to read about these stories after the fact. Once we know that everything turned out okay and that God was faithful. But it’s not as easy when you are just starting out or if you’re right in the middle of it and you have no idea how God will move.

It’s also funny (sad really) how quick we are to move on from God’s past faithfulness and worry about the next thing. Through the selflessness and generosity of so many people, God has provided an almost complete full-time salary for me to be a part of a church planting residency program as we plan and prepare to plant a church. Yet the pull is to move right on from that and to question how all this will work.

Where will the people come to help us plant this church? What about all the financial needs that go into that? What if [fill in the blank]?

I have no idea the answer to many of these questions. I do know that God has always been faithful in the past, even in the dark times. And I do know that “if we are faithless, he remains faithful” (2 Timothy 2:13).

I end with this post with no heartwarming conclusion because this journey is just beginning, who knows how it all turns out. Like so many times before, I’m leaning on the faithfulness of God.

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