I am Not my Wife’s “Squire”

I should probably begin by actually defining what a squire is. A squire was a knight’s armor bearer or shield bearer. He would also do things like saddle the knight’s horse or do other tasks for the knight.


I spend a good amount of time reading from people whom I disagree with. It helps me to actually understand differing opinions and seeing how someone arrived at them, as well as helps me better articulate and understand the beliefs I have and challenges me to coherently think through why I hold the positions I hold.

One such position is that I am a complementarian when it comes to gender roles. What this means at the most basic level is that I believe that men and women are both made in the image of God, but are uniquely gifted in certain roles and responsibilities. In other words, men and women complement each other. For example, anyone can clearly see how men and women complement each other biologically. We have been created in such a way that sexually speaking our bodies “go together.”

The same can be said for the emotional differences, psychological differences, etc. Watch a group of four year old boys interact compared to a group of four year old girls, it’s not the same. I also think you would be hard pressed to say it’s our society that makes these boys and girls act like boys and girls respectively. If you were to observe children from all over the world across all different cultures, you would still see distinctive difference among how the young boys and girls interact.

Now I am not at all saying all men and women fit into a perfect box when it comes to these things, nor am I saying certain jobs, interests, and desires are more manly or womanly than others (at least I’m not going into that in this post). I am also not diving into a defense of what I believe to be the clear teaching of the Bible when it comes to gender in this post either.

However I recently read a statement while reading a post on a website that (that I frequently disagree with) that really struck me. This is what one man said:

I am (my wife’s) squire more than I am her knight. I don’t fight her battles for her but support her as she fights them herself. (This is especially important with the implicit gender roles and expectations that can too easily be projected on us.)

Let me be clear: I am not my wife’s squire.

I’m not saying she needs me to fight her battles for her (she doesn’t). Nor am I saying that me wanting to be her knight makes her my squire (because she isn’t). But as a follower of Christ I am called to lovingly love, sacrifice, and lead my wife and family.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

-Ephesians 5:25

You can say that husbands should love their wives as knights love their king or queen. They give of themselves to serve their kingdom. Not as a squire who runs around like an errand boy, but as a leader who puts the needs of their family before their own.

Though I am not going to biblically defend my position here, I believe the Bible clearly demonstrates and teaches that men are to lovingly lead and guide their homes. My wife does not need me to fight her battles for her, but you better believe I’ll fight for my wife. She doesn’t want an errand boy for a husband, she wants a man. Someone who is willing to work hard for her sake.

For those who have different views about God than I do, I don’t expect them to agree with me. But as a man who is a follower of Christ, I am not my wife’s squire.


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