What It Was Like The Day I Lost My Dad To Suicide

Below was shared on New City Church's social media accounts on the anniversay of my father's death. I shared the story in seven parts which you can read below."I was really fortunate growing up. I had a stable home environment, went to good schools, lived in a good neighborhood, had a great family (I'm pictured second from the left) and was part of a great church. I had a bunch of friends that lived in my neighborhood so there was always something to do. My parents always encouraged me in whatever I wanted to do. I met Jesus at a really young age and never went through anything all that difficult. By all accounts, I had a good life and a bright future. I graduated high school and headed off to college. Freshmen year was great and overall life was good. All of that changed 9 years ago today.""I was playing in a band and we had a gig that night (it was a Saturday). I was walking around a mall in Fayetteville, NC, with one of the guys in the band, waiting for the other guys to arrive. That’s when my phone rang. It was one of my brother’s friends and I didn’t know why he was calling, so I let it go to voicemail. A few minutes later I listened to it. It was something I never expected to hear. But honestly, I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t panic. I assumed everything was actually going to be ok. I would stay in Fayetteville the rest of the day and play the show that night, and then head back home. I couldn’t have been more wrong.""Something has happened to your Dad. We aren’t sure what it is but you should probably come home.” I’m sure there was a little bit more to the voicemail but that is all I can remember now. I then called him back, and a few other family friends. No one knew exactly what was happening but they all said I should come home. One friend asked if I really wanted to know what was happening, and I said yes. He told me he didn’t know everything, but the police were at my house and there was yellow caution tape around our property. My Mom wasn’t answering the house phone so I couldn’t talk to her. I didn’t have a car with me (I road up from Wilmington to Fayetteville with one of my bandmates). But soon after I got off the phone with my brother, one of my good friends and mentors (pictured left) arrived at the mall to pick me up. I called my older brother who was also in college at ECU when I got in the car. He said he didn’t know what was going on but he was at the gas station getting gas and would call me as soon as he got home. My younger brother (I’m the middle of the three sons) was in Florida with my grandparents on vacation. Shortly after hanging up, we got on the highway, that’s when my friend put his hand on my shoulder shared with me I could never have imagined."

“Dylan, your dad was pronounced dead at the hospital this morning.” It’s hard to describe the feeling and sensation that went through my body after hearing those words. Immediately I lost it and cried most of the 45-minute drive back home (Cary, NC). However, even during that car ride, I could sense the Holy Spirit telling me “it will be ok.” When we got to the house, I could barely get out of the car and walk. We got inside and went to the living room. Everyone that was at our house went outside, and I sat next to my mom on the couch. My older brother and one of my mom’s good friends also stayed, as well as one of the other pastors from our church (also a good family friend). My family was really connected to the church we were a part of. My Mom was on staff and my dad was an elder. We had Saturday evening and Sunday services, so by the time I got there our lead pastor was gone as he had to get ready for our Saturday services. So the pastor that was there was the one that delivered the news. He was sitting on the coffee table and asked me if I wanted to know what happened. I said “yes.” He told me that my dad had taken his own life that morning. Immediately I fell to the floor and cried.""Later that day, my younger brother arrived back to our house with our grandparents. Someone had called my grandmother earlier that day with the news. They were back from Florida at this time but my brother was still with them in Statesville, NC (about two hours away). Immediately my grandparents packed up and headed to our house, the whole time not being able to tell my brother what was happening. When they arrived that evening, he still had no idea what was going on. He came into the living room and we told him Dad had died. After some time, he stayed in the living room with our Mom and the rest went out to unload our grandparent's car as they were going to be staying with us for a few days. As I was carrying a suitcase up the stairs I heard my younger brother let out a wail. Immediately I knew why; he had just been told how Dad died. What a terrible day.""A few days later we had my Dad’s memorial service. He was a quiet and reserved guy, so we were stunned to see over 1,000 people there. But at the same time, we weren’t. My Dad loved and served a lot of people, and it clearly showed. I spoke briefly at the service. After which, one friend came up and hugged me and said: “you’re going to be a preacher one day!” I didn’t say anything, but immediately thought, “it’s my Dad’s funeral, anyone in my situation would have everyone’s attention regardless of what they said because of the moment.” A few weeks after my dad’s service, however, he turned out to be right. I began to feel God leading me to pursue not just ministry in the future, but church planting. And now my story has and will impact many people. I’m living proof that God really can use the worst of situations for his glory and our good. And my Mom, she’s been so strong and faithful through all of it. If you need to talk to someone about dealing with grief, she’s your person.""One of the hardest things about all of this is that my Dad was an amazing Dad. He loved Jesus, served his family, was really generous, and always put others first. I still remember one Wednesday evening when we were eating at Subway near our house (we went there a good bit together). My Dad got to know the manager of the store pretty well, so they were talking. I was getting impatient because I hate being late to things, and we had Wednesday night church activities to get to. I’ll never forget when we left, he got in the car and said, “Dylan, people are always more important than a church service or something else you have to go do.” He was such a great Dad. But depression is a powerful thing, and he had been battling it for about 6 months. Obviously much more than any of us realize. Unfortunately, a lot of guys today say things like “I don’t want to be anything like my Dad with my kids.” I had such a great example, I had the blueprint. If I could be anything like my Dad was with my kids and my wife, I’ll do pretty good. There is so much more to say about this, but I’ll end by simply saying this. I love you Dad. Thank you for showing me how to be a man, how to follow Jesus, and how to put people first (still working on that one). New City wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for you."