5 Things My Kids Have Taught Me About Leadership
As a dad to a four-year-old daughter (Finley) and a one-year-old son (Roman), I have learned as much from them as I have hopefully taught them, I've learned quite a few things from being a dad to them.
Here are five leadership lessons in particular they have taught me.
1) You never know what will stick
You can try and teach and repeat and even demonstrate something over and over again and they still don't always get it. And then Finley will repeat something that was said or ask about something that happened just one time over two weeks ago.
It's a reminder that people are always watching. And if you have kids you know they are always watching. Which means integrity and character matter more than we often think, and so does apologizing when we get it wrong. We don't know what will stick, so we should avoid laziness or cutting corners. Good leaders give their best knowing that everything they do matters.
2) Consistency matters more thank you think
I still remember trying to teach really basic sign language to Finley when she was a baby. The idea is that they learn a handful of signs so they can communicate before they can actually talk. Things like "all done" when they are done eating, or "more" when they want more food, etc. Christina and I had been trying to teach Finley for a good two months and then pretty much gave up. The day after we assumed it wasn't going to work, she started doing some of the signs. We couldn't believe it!
But it happened because we were consistent even when nothing was happening. Inconsistent leaders, whether that be in how they treat people, in their own personal performance, or in any variety of areas are hard to follow.
My kids have taught me that patience and consistency matter if I want to teach and lead them well.
3) Culture leaks
As every parent does, Christina and I have tried to install the value of sharing into Finley. Like any kid, sometimes she does it well and other times not so much. But because we talk about it often, especially when it comes to letting her one year old brother Roman play with toys, Roman has started to share with Finley too.
Now, to be honest, I don't know that Roman actually has any concept of what sharing is. But because Finley will often hand him a toy, there are many times where he will hand a toy back to her. What's likely is that to him it is just a game, but regardless of the motivation, he is still exhibiting the behavior we want to see.
That's the point, the culture leaders set leaks to those they lead, which leaks to those that those people lead and interact with.
4) Don't let the fear of getting it wrong stop you from trying
There are times in parenting when you don't know the exact "right" decision is. What should the punishment be for a certain behavior? How much screen time should your child be allowed to have? What about chores?
But what I have learned is that doing nothing at all for fear of getting it wrong is never a good option. Sometimes getting it wrong and apologizing for it is actually better than getting it right in the first place!
The best way to learn what works and what I should do and not do with my kids is by trying something and seeing how it goes. But doing nothing is not what good leaders do.
5) It's hard but so worth it
Raising kids is difficult. My kids are at the age now where they always need something. They cost money, tire you out, and take away your free time.
But I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Leading is hard. You get it wrong, you have the weight of caring for the good of other people, and you can be misunderstood by people who don't have all the information you have. But it is a joy and privilege. I love being a leader at New City Church. I can only hope everyone else half-enjoys having me :).