8 Things I Would Tell My 20 Year Old Self About Life and Leadership
This week I turned the ripe old age of 29. There isn't anything all that significant about turning 29, but for the fun of it I thought I would share eight things I would tell my 20-year-old self about life and leadership. After all, 29 may seem young to you, but you're almost an old man to a 20 year old!
1) You can't rush experience
I know you want to do everything today. But you aren't ready because you don't have the experience, and experience takes time. Long-term success is predicated on proper experience and training. I know it can be hard to wait to do everything you want to do, but if you try to do it now it will fail and leave you wishing you had waited on God's timing.
Being patient is hard, but it isn't as hard as failing when failure could be avoided if you took the time to learn and grow first. Pray for patience, it'll be hard now but so worth it in the future.
2) Learn to live with low-level frustration
One of the difficult things about leadership is that somebody somewhere will always be frustrated with you. It could be because they don't like a decision you made or your stance on an issue. Sometimes it will be because they don't have all of the information you have, and sometimes it has more to do with them than you. Whatever the reason, you have to learn to be ok with people being frustrated with you or something you did.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't care about people, but you have to stay faithful to what God has called you to. Do your best to love people well, but doing what you think is best won't always make people happy, even if what you are doing is best for them.
3) People admire your strengths but resonate with your weaknesses
Never pretend like you have it all together. No one wants to follow someone who pretends like they do. To be clear, you should work on having good character, a work ethic, being a faithful follower of Jesus. But it is in being honest about your weaknesses that encourages people the most. You don't always have to be right, but you do need to be real.
4) Preaching will be fun, but you'll always want to be better
You won't be very good in the beginning, but don't get too discouraged. In fact, some may say you still won't be very good when you are 29 :). But be intentional about getting better. You have the privilege of sharing the Gospel, the best news in the world. So be a student of communication.
Learn how to tell stories and use humor. Not in a gimmicky way, but in a way that really helps people connect with what you are saying. It'll be frustrating because improving is a slow process, but stick to it. In fact, you'll often get frustrated with yourself while you are preaching because you know you've done a poor job with something you have been working on. That's ok, learn from it for the next time.
5) You are worse than people think, believing that will encourage you
You'll really come to enjoy (and believe) this quote from 19th-century British pastor Charles Spurgeon, "If any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him, for you are worse than he thinks you to be." Knowing the truth of that (because it is true) is quite helpful when someone complains or speaks poorly about you to others.
The reality is you are much worse than people think. The good news is Jesus redeems us in spite of it. Remembering that helps when people may be negative or spiteful toward you.
6) You have nothing to prove and no one to impress
Because of what Jesus has done for you, you have nothing to prove and no one to impress. In fact, you'll end up saying that a lot one day. People may think you say it often because it's a succinct way to explain that Jesus is the one who accomplished everything necessary for us to be forgiven and given God's grace.
The reality is you'll say it a lot because you need to remember it. Faithfulness is what matters, not accomplishment. Focus on being faithful, God will do whatever he wants to do with you. And that's good news, because what he will do is better than what you could come up with on your own.
7) God will be far more gracious to you than you deserve
It may be hard to believe, but God is going to be so unbelievably kind to you. You and Christina will get married. She will be God's greatest gift to you. The sooner you realize that the better. You'll also have two amazing kids this decade and will have a girl and a boy.
The girl will teach you things about love and compassion you know nothing about right now. Trust me, you really need to learn about that stuff.
Your son is going to be 100% boy and will be all over the place. You'll get to give him your dad's middle name which will mean a lot to you.
Speaking of your dad, you're going to miss him. A lot. Every new milestone will be hard. You'll wish you could talk to him and get his advice so often. But God will be good to you and place plenty of older and wiser men in your life who will be willing and able to help. No, it won't be the same as your dad, but you'll be able to use your pain and your story to help a lot of people.
Oh, and you will plant a church. And by you, I mean a team of wonderful and great people. It'll be hard. You'll want to quit and think the church won't ever actually start. But it will. And you'll get to do what you only dream of now.
8) Don't wish your life away, learn to enjoy where you are
Lastly, remember to enjoy the moment. You're an enneagram 3. You have no idea what that is right now, but it's essentially a personality type that loves to win, accomplish big things, and dream about what the future could be. That comes with it's strengths and it's weaknesses. Don't get so caught up in wanting what is next that you don't enjoy what is now.
I'll be honest, it is easier to enjoy the moment when you get to do more of the things you want to do. However, you'll then look back at some of the advantages of being the age you were and wish you could have some of those things too.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Enjoy the journey. I'll see you in nine years!
Want more leadership advice?
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