5 Things Seminary Doesn't Teach You About Being A Pastor
Like many things in life, there is only so much you can learn about being a pastor without real-life experience. To be clear, I am pro-advanced theological education for pastors (particularly those living in the West). I think there are many helpful and even foundational things that are really only learned when you are forced to take a deeper dive into things you wouldn't naturally do on your own.
I'm not saying pastors must have degrees to be effective, but that a life-long desire to learn and grow is an important pursuit. That being said, I've (slowly) learned quite a few things as a pastor over the past few years that seminary could never teach.
1. What vocational ministry will be like for your wife
There is a (correct, I might add) assumption that there is a lot that comes with being a pastor's wife. And while every family, situation, and pastor's wife is different, here are just a few of the things I think Christina and I might have assumed would come with the territory but have been an even bigger thing than I ever realized:
- How many meals she would make
- How often we would have people in our home
- How many complaints she would have to hear about her husband
- How often she would have to figure out childcare for our kids so we could do ministry-related things
The great news is that we love our church. Compared to many stories I have read and heard from other pastors I know, we are so grateful for everyone at New City. It really is a joy for her to do these things, but it is also taxing.
As a pastor, what I do impacts her more than most husband's jobs impact their wives. But it's not really something you can plan for or anticipate until you experience it.
2. How to pastor people
With such a fascination with leadership and preaching ability, there can often be the false assumption that if you can do those things well, you'll make a great pastor.
That's just not true.
I still have a lot of growing to do in this area, but I think I'm at least a little better at it than New City Church began. It's hard to learn what it looks like to care for, encourage, and speak into the lives of other people until you are in a position to do it. And because much of this is on the job training, it takes a while to figure out what it even looks like.
My prayer for all new and future pastors is that they wouldn't believe the lie that charismatic leadership + great preaching ability = a great pastor. Those things help, but they are only part of the equation.
3. How to have difficult conversations
By definition, difficult conversations are difficult. It could be about confronting someone about a hurtful or unwise behavior, meeting with someone because they aren't happy with a decision that was made, or even mediating a conflict between other people; these things can be uncomfortable and hard.
Of course, those pursuing vocational ministry are well-aware that these conversations are going to happen. But actually having them is much difficult.
How do you empathize with someone while at the same time hold to your convictions? How do you work up the courage to lovingly confront someone over an issue that needs to be addressed? In my opinion, avoiding difficult conversations is one of the biggest mistakes leaders make.
You can read all day about tips and tricks, but until you have these conversations you can't really know how to handle them. It takes a lot of trial and error, which makes it even more important not to avoid them. Otherwise, things stay unaddressed and you'll never get better in these situations.
4. How to develop leaders
There are many great books and resources on leadership development, but turning that theory into practice (particularly for an inexperienced leader) takes time.
How often do you meet with leaders you want to develop? What do you talk about? How do you find or decide who to develop? And then, of course, having the patience to walk the journey with them.
But the only way to learn is to do it, so don't let your inexperience stop you. Leadership development must be intentional or it won't happen. In my experience, the leaders who complain the most about the lack of leaders around them usually do the least to equip and train other leaders.
5. How to lead when you don't know the best course of action
As I have shared before, one of my biggest hangups when we started New City Church were my insecurities as a leader. I was constantly worried about questions people might ask me and how I would respond, or how I would actually get people to buy-in to what we were trying to do. I operated a lot out of fear.
The truth is there will be many times when you don't know the best decision to make, but you still must make a decision. Learning to be comfortable with getting it wrong, while still having the conviction to lead in the midst of uncertainty, is something that only comes by experience.
Don't let your fear of getting it wrong stop you from humbly leading. Do your best, ask for forgiveness, and lead well in the midst of the unknown.
Want more ministry-related leadership tips and advice?
For my friends who lead in pastoral ministry and/or on church staff, check out the Practical Church Planting podcast for more practical tips, advice, and encouragement on planting and growing healthy churches.